Shit. We knew this day would come, but we didn't think it would be so soon. Lloyd Grove's Daily News column today kind of... rules.

Item One: Kerry Kennedy Cuomo freaking out on ex-husband Andrew Cuomo's best friend Dan Klores — in Michael's, no less. While Klores was dining with a cast member of Everyone Loves Raymond. While Barry Diller and Marisa Tomei looked on. I'm fairly certain I can die now. Does it get better than that? Sure, Phyllis Diller could have been tapdancing in the middle of the room while The Rock serviced Paris Hilton in the kitchen, but that's too much to ask for, right?

Item Two: Totally dishy piece on Fox 5's news director assigning "Guido schtick," complete with quotes from outraged Italian-Americans. It's exactly the kind of stupid little thing that gossip columns are perfect for blowing wildly out of proportion. And Guidos. They'll blow anything out of proportion. You know how those people are.

And Items Three and Four: There's a bit of unnecessary filler at the bottom on Halle Berry's divorce (like we hadn't heard that at 7 p.m. yesterday), but an item on P Diddy running the marathon is rescued with a good reminder of Mr. Diddy beating producer Steve Stoute with a phone and a champaigne bottle. Now those were good gossip times. Ah, back in the day.

Gritting our teeth, we have to give Mr. Grove an A-. He better really suck tomorrow.
Lloyd Grove's Lowdown [NY Daily News]