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In this issue: Christian Bale and his package, R. Crumb, Hazelle Goodman and Joie Lee, Mariah Carey, Carson Daley, Dave Meyers, Donna Karan, Christina Ricci and Adam Goldberg, Todd Oldham, a dubious Susan Lucci sighting, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, Famke Jannsen, Queen Latifah, Nicole Kidman, Bjork and Her Baby's Daddy, and Jason Patric.

· Christian Bale was on the downstairs treadmill at Equinox when I got in. Had to watch a moment of silent football to confirm it was him and to gather data. Conclusions: he's taller than he seemed in Newsies, and much less ripped than he was in American Psycho. Also, he'll probably need less padding in his codpiece than previous Batmans (I'm sure Joel Schumacher rues the day he lost that directing gig...)

· Comic book artist/legend R. Crumb having lunch with his art dealer at Empire Diner. um... he doesn't "look" crazy.
· Seen: Hazelle Goodman and Spike Lee's sister Joie Lee attending last weekend's performance of Alva Roger's (of School Daze) show belly: three shorts at HERE Arts center.
· Last Thurs. I saw Mariah Carey walk past me in front of the Kori on Church St. and head into 66. I first saw her a block away and said to myself, "I gotta peek at this skimpy slut when she passes me", but was cautious because she was with 3 huge guys. When she passed I peeked and when I realized I casually said, "Hey it's Maria Carey" to which she got the look of a Cheshire cat across her face. [Ed. Dear reader: you are all kinds of troubled.]
· Sat night I saw Carson Daley outside Nobu, wearing a yanks shirt and looking all the middle of the road dork that he is. Middle of the road dork with a stripper type on his arm, that is. Is that good?
· At the 4pm screening of Underworld on Sunday at the UA on 13th street music video director (pink missy etc) Dave Meyers and some unidentified female companion snacked down on popcorn. Dave talked on his cell phone up until the previews but then shut it off like a good boy.
· Sunday, 9 pm: In the bathroom of Lincoln Center with Donna Karan at the Tibet benefit. She is very tall and super skinny now that she is back in the dating scene. The combination of her gauntness and her frantic actions struck me as cokehead characteristics. Maybe she and Calvin can attend a 12-step program together.
· Saturday, 9/20, 6:30pm, heading south on 7th Ave (a few block below 23rd), Christina Ricci and Adam Goldberg —holding hands. Methinks they're in love. Upon spotting some tents on a side street, Christina commented, "Everyone loves a street fair!" Tis true . . . .
· Saw todd oldham at the equinox in tribeca - he's shorter and in better shape than i thought.
· I saw susan lucci at the san genaro festival friday night double fisting a sausage and peppers hero. [Ed. We don't believe you, but that doesn't mean it's not funny.]
· Last evening — at about 5:30 - in the West Village (4th/W.12th) saw Gwyneth and Chris Martin walking down the street. She was walking kind of fast, arms swingin' and he was walking, looking around, in a kind of paranoid way. He actually at one point turned around and was walking backwards! [Ed. My God! The Chris Martinbot rotates? What can't they do with technology these days!?]
· At about 4:00 p.m. on Saturday I saw Famke Janssen outside of Soho bistro Le Pescadou. Owner Chuck was hosting his third annual "dog of the year" awards and Famke's Boston terrier greeted some of the other dogs and had a piece of cake.
· Queen Latifah strutting across 7th avenue from of 1515 Broadway. She was wearing a red Juicy sweatsuit amongst the cameras and papparazi. Is she shooting a film here?
· Saw Nicole Kidman jogging around the reservoir on Saturday. Shades and a Yankees cap and track pants. She looked like a really tall porcelain doll and was moving at an impressive speed.
· Saturday night/Sunday morning at Passerby: Bjork and Matthew Barney hanging out just outside the bar. They stuck around until about 2:30 then climbed into a gigantic white pickup truck.
· Spotted Jason Patric at Cedars in the Village just below Union Square, the historic hangout of Jackson Pollock. He was chatting with some friends who looked very much like ordinary folk. He's ridiculously handsome, though much like his onscreen persona, he seems very serious and intense when he speaks. Which is odd, considering he's Jackie Gleason's grandson.