· Kelly Ripa's husband cooks and eats family of four. Okay, not quite, but he did get cranky with a dawdling motorist at a Hamptons beach parking lot. Murderer! Cannibal! Lizzie Grubman! [NY Post]
· Sting admits he's not a superhuman shag. Four remaining sexually active fans disappointed. [NY Post]
· Bennifer's secret wedding date and location: next Sunday, Santa Barbara. Come, come, nuclear bomb. [People News]
· Paris Hilton sneezed or something, I dunno, I saw her name and couldn't read another word. [NY Daily News]