If you're among the 301,300 New York City residents who would like to work but can't find a job, Matthew Baldwin at TMN has excellent resume-writing advice for you. (We're pretty sure your jobless state is New York's way of saying: Hey! Why dontcha move back to Iowa, live in your parents' basement, and drink most of your beverages in 40-ounce bottles for a while? Silver lining: maybe you'll finish your "novel" there!) Baldwin recommends:

"Much of r sum writing (and reading) involves the encryption and decryption of job titles and duties. If you run the till at the local Crate & Barrel and spend much of your day watching ElimiDate and shooing off customers before they can interrupt you, you would say: Duties included fiduciary management, oversight of social networking multimedia presentations, proactive deterrence of nascent consumer purchases."
Defenestrate Your Resume! [The Morning News]