Twisted pseudo-poetry from Craig's List:
If I won the Mega Millions
I would buy Paris Hilton.
I would make her wear a tight leather suit, and I'd keep her chained up in my closet.
Whenever anything or anyone pissed me off, I'd take it out on her rich little hieney.
And, of course, I'd take pictures and let Gawker and Project Hilton battle it out for publishing rights.
 For the record, Gawker has never condoned cruelty to hotel heiresses, regardless of the degree to which they annoy the general public. Should Paris Hilton be found chained in a closet wearing a suit of leather, we are not responsible.
If I won the Mega Millions [Craig's List]