Choire Sicha advises a Manhattan newbie: "Since the legal decision which finally rightly resulted in me being "elected" New York City's President earlier this year, my office has received many a letter of complaint and confusion about my delicious city. In general, I don't answer these. I could care. I'm far too busy cleaning body parts off the skids of Bloomberg's helicopter, doing Guggenheim Museum benefit seating charts since half their staff has been laid off, and settling disputes in the Observer's "newsroom" regarding above-the-fold placements (Martha is out, the new caustic anti-imperialist pseudo-earnestness is in). My job here really is to be the magical helper that makes everything better and funner, and believe me, it's fucking time-consuming. However, your letter is fairly well-written, you sound in dire need, and most importantly, you flatter me, which means you have already learned the first lesson of Manhattan living."
Letter from New York City's President [ChoireSicha]