My dear Elizabeth:

In my inestimable wisdom I have reached the decision to exscind that chintzy and boorish lexical trinket "snarky" from the venerable yet paper-thin pages of Vanity Fair. This tawdry bit of media argot joins the ever growing list of proscribed vernacular never again to litter the sumptuously rich prose of our hallowed publication.

I have decided to take such drastic action after noting the proliferation of this utterly noisome term throughout the media omniverse. This journalistic desecration has sullied the formerly pristine pages of such august publications as the New York Times, Time, San Francisco Examiner, Slate, The New Republic, Chicago Sun-Times, San Jose Mercury News, and Washington Times along with the New York Post where it has manifested itself in no less than 5 articles. It has also peppered the speech of such celebrity non-entities as Tyra Banks and Weird Al and infiltrated the deliciously wicked prose of that literary harlot (and my much-maligned progenitor), Tina Brown.

And, oh, my dear Elizabeth, it has even blemished your effulgent, urbane sniping. This is too much. It is my mission to see this odium laid low. That said I must now go watch the unwelcome denouement of Buffy impatiently awaiting me on TIVO.

My apologies to Dominick Dunne.

-GRAYDON CARTER

LIST OF CITATIONS:

New York Times

"The financial and advertising businesses, industries that had been covered elsewhere with a mixture of reverence and ignorance, frequently found themselves on the wrong end of New York's very sharp pencil. Its feature articles were often snarkyTom Wolfe's essay on radical chic redefined protest as fashionand other times blazingly earnest, its response to the
city's fiscal crisis in 1975 was a cover suggesting "We've Got to Help Ourselves." May 18

Elizabeth Spiers

Re: What is Gawker?
It's basically a New York-centric gossip blog. I pick stories from local news sources and make up snarky commentary, and Nick posts things that are actually useful and/or interesting.

TIME

"The few who do like them would probably prefer renting a video of the real thing to seeing a snarky interpretation of them." May 19

NY Post

"On "Top Model" there'll be no snarky "American Idol" type of judge, says [Tyra] Banks. " May 19

"Even snarky judge Simon Cowell said earlier this week on the "Tonight" show that Studdard is his favorite to win."
May 16

"The Times tried to correct things over the weekend with a snarky piece about Peters' string of missed performances, but it was too little, too late." May 13

"On the new reality show created by snarky "American
Idol" judge Simon Cowell, 25-year-old Lisa Shannon, an advertising executive from Detroit, will travel the U.S. looking for Mr. Rightand a $1 million prize." May 9

"Stylegod.com takes on the Ford agency this week in its usual snarky style."
May 9

Rolling Stone

"The Eminem spoof, "Couch Potato," set to the tune of "Lose Yourself," tackles America's favorite pastime. "It's a diatribe about the state of TV," Yankovic
says. "It's about a guy who watches it constantly, but has a love-hate relationship with it. It's full of snarky little jibes." May 6

Elizabeth Spiers

"Re: What is Gawker?
It's basically a New York-centric gossip blog. I pick stories from local news sources and make up snarky commentary, and Nick posts things that are actually useful and/or interesting."

Tina Brown

"That's why the launch of Radar, a snarky new glossy that features a cover of a pissed-off-looking Jennifer Lopez under the headline Monsters Inc., was oddly
heartwarming. Inside, the magazine jauntily nails a gallery of celebrity trash without fear or favour."
Tina Brown

Mediabistro

"In February 2002, Spin magazine tapped the then-35-year-old Sia Michel to be its new editor-in-chief, capping off her nearly meteoric rise at the notoriously snarky rock title.." May 20

Moscow Times

"When they meet in St. Petersburg three weeks from now, the presidents are expected to trade snarky barbs about Iraq, to haggle over oil — and to drop the ball on the most important matter of all, the 28,800-odd nuclear weapons in our collective arsenals." May 12

SF Examiner

"He has his own concerns. Brian is 'snarky, cruel and lascivious' while being presented as a romantic hero, and 'those two dynamics aren't always clearly reconciled,' Harold said."
May 8

Slate

"For instance, the Voice Literary Supplement's Taylor Antrim included Almond in a snarky collective review titled Young, Gifted and Workshopped." May 2

"But with its gossipy, snide tone, US has also quietly been stealing readers (at least this one) from the famously snarky Entertainment Weekly." April 11

The New Republic

"First there was his unnecessarily snarky remarks on "Meet The Press," on which Rumsfeld not only asserted that a new Rumsfeld doctrine (based on military speed, flexibility, and high-tech capabilities) had clearly replaced the famous Powell doctrine.."
April 25

San Jose Mercury News

"And there are few female performers as audacious as Ms. O these days. The New Yorker's typical stage attire — specially tailored for her by designer
Christian Joy — usually features fishnets 'n' Converse, plus campy '60s-retro dresses and one fingerless black racing glove, a snarky sendup of Michael Jackson's white sequined model."
May 1

"Minutes later, his formal session with the press was lighthearted and snarky." April 30

________________________________________________________

Dear "Graydon":

First things first: I really don't understand the Buffy fixation. Neal Pollack and I co-hosted a party last night wherein we proceeded to get lots of media and publishing types (and a few of Neal's cousins) liquored up in the span of a couple of hours. A few of said media peopleand I'm not naming any names (you fucking losers) complained that they were missing Buffy.

Whatever. As a wise manwho, for the record actually likes Buffyonce said not 48 hours ago: Buffy is a show about sex and vampires. On a good day there are vaguely interesting references to certain Christian allegories. And sex. And vampires.

This being the Internet, I realize that I'll probably get more hate mail for slamming Buffy than anything else I'll ever write of any actual consequence.

But, hey, if you're gonna do it; do it right.

BUFFY SUCKS.

There. Got that out of my system.

Secondly, you say "Carter" but I hear Lapham. Even Graydon would be incapable of referring to VF as "our hallowed publication" without choking on it. More realism! More use of the word "fucking" and complaints about the smoking ban!

-Elizabeth Spiers