GEEZ? ARE YOU REALLY JOURNALISTS? NO WONER NOBODY WOULD HIRE YOU? BEFORE SLAMMING TIM GOODMAN, AT LEAST **READ** HIS REVIEW!!! IS THAT SO HARD?? DAMN! YOUR IGNORANT

nobody@sfgate.com

Dear "nobody,"
1. "ARE YOU REALLY JOURNALISTS?"
If, by "journalist," you mean "someone who would never slam Tim Goodman for any reason," then no. If, by "journalist," you mean "someone who puts an opinion on a website, provoking misspelled email from people who are incapable of typing with the 'caps lock' key in 'off' mode," then yes.

2. "NO WONER NOBODY WOULD HIRE YOU?"
A) Question or statement? Please clarify.
B) Define "woner." [Ed. note"woner": not a word.]
C) I'd say that dropping a resume for the position of "journalist" is an event that one is likely to remembermuch like waking up in a seedy part of Shanghai with a one-legged prostitute for the very first time or finding your mother coked up on the bathroom floor with an insurance salesman from Des Moines. (Sorry if that last one hits a little too close to home.) At any rate, I don't remember doing it and I think it's the sort of thing that I would, in fact, remember.

I enjoy freelance writing much more than my most recent occupation (changing the world by analyzing stocks for hedge funds and screening investments for venture capitalists.) I'd like to do more of it, but regrettably, have been too busy tracking down spiked NYT articles, dirt on Pat Kingsley, and a certain pair of strappy black Manolos in a size 6 1/2 to pay much attention to my two-month-old writing career.

Rest assured that I will, in the future, compose countless query letters to various editors that will be returned with encouraging comments like, "Surely you're not serious" "How did you get my e-mail address?" and "Mr. Remnick's attorneys are filing a restraining order." In the meantime, we can really only speculate that no one will hire me.

3. "BEFORE SLAMMING TIM GOODMAN, AT LEAST **READ** HIS REVIEW!!!! IS THAT SO HARD??"
I read the review and I wasn't slamming Mr. Goodman personally, you understand. I'm sure he's a charming guy who goes to brunch on Sundays and is kind to animals and small children. I was merely challenging his assumption that American audiences like the crap they're fed by network TV. Mr. Goodman's analysis implies that while he has perfectly good taste, network programming can be explained by demand created by other Americans who actually enjoy it. Who are these hypothetical people, we ask? Can it really be considered a consumer preference when there are no available substitutes? And most importantly, how can I recoup the brain cells I just lost thinking about network TV?

4. "DAMN! YOUR IGNORANT"
That's "you're;" not "your." Only ignorant people...

Nevermind.

Best Regards,
Elizabeth Spiers