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The Monday morning numbers are the only cure for our debilitating Vegas hangover.

1. Shrek 2 — $ 104.3 million
Wow. The second biggest opening weekend ever. The big, green ogre bent over the American moviegoing public and banged it until $104 million flew out of its sequel-hungry ears. There was really no way to see this coming, was there? We mean besides the smiling face of Dreamworks head Jeffrey Katzenberg on TV screens above the ticket window, advising all theater-goers to drop their pants and grab their ankles.

2. Troy — $23.8 million
It's amazing that after Shrek 2 vacuumed up all of America's cinema dollars, there was still almost $24 million left to watch Brad Pitt stand around in a skirt and look as if he's smelling a Greek fart.

3. Van Helsing — $10.1 million (Eerily accurate Defamer prediction: $10 million)
Good news for incredibly hyped, badly executed summer nonsense: We hear from our spies that Van Helsing will be just as shitty on an extras-packed DVD release.

4. Mean Girls — $6.9 million (Eerily accurate Defamer prediction: $7 million)
Bad news for the jailbait aficionados that made Mean Girls a surprise hit: By the time the DVD is released, Lindsay Lohan will be 18, and your illicit jollies will become run-of-the-mill perving.

5. Man On Fire — $3 million (Somewhat eerily accurate Defamer prediction: $3.5 million)
Goodbye, Denzel. Enjoy your last week in the top five looking upward at Lindsay Lohan's rack.