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ABC, desperate to shed its position as America's fourth-place network, is shaking things up in the Fall. [Ed.note—We were under the mistaken impression that ABC—all of it— was cancelled in February and only running edited versions of straight-to-video Disney sequels. Our bad.] Like NBC, they're cutting down their sitcom slate, which will go from 10 shows to 8 and from three nights to two.

This is officially a Network Trend. After Friends and Frasier finally went away, we thought all of this hand-wringing about the death of the sitcom was just overheated nonsense; unfunny couch-and-cafe shows are going to be with us forever, just like those stubborn herpes. But ABC's doing its part to make sure laughter stays dead by reducing their comedy load and by bringing back According to Jim, My Wife and Kids, and George Lopez. In any case, look for ABC to suffer another season in the toilet, looking up at Fox's pimply, third place ass.